SnoReptilePlenty
Memorable, crazy movie
Quiet Muffin
This movie tries so hard to be funny, yet it falls flat every time. Just another example of recycled ideas repackaged with women in an attempt to appeal to a certain audience.
Dana
An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.
BA_Harrison
The plot for this prime example of '80s z-grade sci-fi/horror trash really doesn't matter all that much-the film is more concerned with delivering scenes of hot young couples getting it on than in telling a riveting tale-but for those who care, the scant script sees aliens (whose number include ageing horror star John Carradine and Julie 'Catwoman' Newmar) visiting our planet to harvest human blood to extend their lives.The plasma best suited to the aliens is from 16-24 year olds, this plot detail allowing director Mohammed Rustam to fill his flick with teens/twenty-somethings of both sexes stripped to their underwear (or less). Helping to collect the unwilling donors for the extraterrestrials are two garage mechanics (played by Aldo Ray and Neville Brand) who sell their services for gold coins.It's cheap, poorly directed, badly acted tosh, to be sure, but the plentiful T&A from a collection of attractive young women (a couple of whom get completely nekkid for their art) ensured that I was never bored, and towards the end of the film there is some unexpected mean-spirited violence, with Ray and Brand killing off my two favourite girls (ditzy blonde Connie, played by G.T. Taylor, and gorgeous brunette Nancy, played by Karrie Emerson) with a power drill and axe.In the end, the aliens escape unscathed, but Brand and Ray get their just desserts.6/10 - Garbage, but entertaining garbage.
Tender-Flesh
I don't know if I'd call John Carradine "star power" but he's probably the biggest name in this film, and as such, he's underused as is the norm for his later films. Following in his timid wake are Julie Newmar, Tina Louise, Aldo Ray, Neville Brand, and at least four professional porn stars who were also making adult films around this time. I feel that having a porn star in a mainstream film where the actress gets naked is a rip-off. Most people want to see someone nude who they've never seen nude before, or maybe that's just my opinion. Now, on to better things besides bare bodies(I kid, I kid--there's nothing better here).Can you ask for a stranger cast? Seriously, Tina Louise didn't perform in the Gilligan's Island TV movies, but she'll appear in this mess? I suppose it could have been a contractual issue, but I have a feeling she just didn't want to be involved with such a silly premise as Gilligan's Island. She's "too good of an actress..." Well, flash forward 20 years and things are slightly different, ain't they, Tina? This hodgepodge of a film boasts the aforementioned stellar cast and a moronic premise that is horribly executed. Two dirty old men mechanics work for aliens, and by aliens, I mean humans in weird clothes with glowing Cracker Jack rings that double as blasters and communicators. The grease monkeys, Brand and Ray, capture goofy teens who like to hang out near a lake during the summer. The teens are brought to a hospital at night, a hospital run by aliens(don't ask), where the kids get their energy sucked out by zero-budget machines(real hospital equipment meant to fool the viewer into thinking it's something from beyond the stars---ugh). The aliens are sort of vampires(nothing new to Carradine) who need the teen energy to stay young for hundreds of years. A slasher films in some respects, the scenes of the teens being stalked and molested by Brand and Ray are the best parts of the film(though one wonders what a battle ax is doing out in the middle of nowhere).Ah, yes, the audio track. I firmly believe a 13 year old was responsible for handling this. 99% of the film's audio is drowned in echo and reverb, and the scenes with Carradine, Newmar, and Louise are barely audible in parts.I can't find anything redeeming in this to recommend it, unless you have a thing for Julie Newmar, and you might, but she's looking quite haggard and out of place here. As I mentioned, Carradine is wasted in his role(probably needed to pay the rent that month), and Tina Louise should have known her bread will always be buttered on that isle of castaways.
Woodyanders
Kozmar (the ubiquitous John Carradine looking very worn and wizened), Zarma (leggy eyeful Julie Newmar; Catwoman on "Batman") and Cora (a haggard Tina Louise; Ginger on "Gilligan's Island") are a trio of evil aliens who need the blood of young folks so they can make a youth serum and prolong their lives. The wicked extraterrestrials hire bumbling drunken lout mechanics Fred (an outrageously hammy Aldo Ray) and Kurt (an equally histrionic Neville Brand in his ignominious final film role) to abduct idiotic libidinous teenagers for their nefarious experiments. Clumsily directed by Mardi Rustam (who also co-wrote the mindless trashy script), with tacky (far from) special effects, a corny generic ooga-booga spooky score by Robert O. Ragland, plenty of leering gratuitous nudity, a plodding pace, incredibly moronic and unappealing young imperiled protagonists ("Chopping Mall" victims Tony O'Dell and Karrie Emerson meet similar grim fates here), plain, murky cinematography by Don Stern, sleazy soft-core sex scenes (popular porn stars Amber Lynn and Jerry Butler pop up in minor roles), a meandering narrative, laughably lousy dialogue ("Keep your hands off her, you scum!"), bouncy pop-rock songs occasionally blaring away on the soundtrack, hilariously horrible acting (the Faded Name Hall of Shame cast are obviously slumming for an easy paycheck), and a decent smattering of grisly gore (a juicy drill-through-the-stomach murder set piece rates as the definite splatter highlight), this severely stinky, yet often amusing and oddly entertaining sci-fi/horror exploitation swill qualifies as an absolute cruddy hoot.
Michael O'Keefe
Frivalous, exploitive, cheesy and extremely bad. Uproariously non-clever imitation of a '50s alien invasion movie...just real terrible acting, cheap special effects and a disjointed story. Enough already. Three obviously aged aliens played by John Carradine, Tina Louise and Julie Newmar hire a couple of dim witted mechanics(Neville Brand and Aldo Ray)to kidnap sex-crazed teens for processing into a youth-restoring serum. Unredeemable and the only thing memorable is the nudity, and that in default. No other actors to speak of in this farce except for porn star Amber Lynn; and she provides the most talent of all. If you like tossing back a few tall cool ones and laughing your ass off with a bunch of friends...this is the one you need.
