FirstWitch A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

BelSports This is a coming of age storyline that you've seen in one form or another for decades. It takes a truly unique voice to make yet another one worth watching.

Freeman This film is so real. It treats its characters with so much care and sensitivity.

Sarita Rafferty There are moments that feel comical, some horrific, and some downright inspiring but the tonal shifts hardly matter as the end results come to a film that's perfect for this time.

Scott LeBrun Some Typical Scientists are up to ridiculous things in "Biohazard". Working in isolation in rural America, they're experimenting in transferring matter from other dimensions. One object that they successfully transfer is a container; said container just so happens to have a creature inside it. Naturally, the creature gets loose, and slaughters various unlucky dummies. Supposedly the creature only does this out of fear, but who knows? The hero on the case is the intrepid Mitchell Carter (William Fair), who hooks up with Lisa Martyn (sexy Angelique Pettyjohn), a psychic working on the project.This offering from the prolific B movie veteran Fred Olen Ray was two years in the making, as hard as that may be to believe. It looks like it could have been cobbled together in a matter of days. It's *that* cheap and *that* inept. Still, like so many other movies of this variety, it entertains in its own stumbling way. A lot of the elements required for such a lark are present and accounted for: laughable acting across the board (star attraction Aldo Ray, who's actually barely in the thing, is visibly drunk), a serving of bare breasts, an utterly horrid rubber creature suit (worn by the directors' son Christopher, who was just five years old at the time), wonderfully tacky gore as the monster mutilates its victims, a delicious synth score, a respectable amount of cheese, etc. That's Carroll Borland from Tod Brownings' 1935 film "Mark of the Vampire" as local woman Rula Murphy.The ending is sudden, VERY silly, and unsatisfying, and it does lead one to believe that the production just ran out of time and money. After that, we get a very protracted end credits sequence that's padded out with plentiful outtake footage - which isn't all that funny.If you adore bad movies, you might like this one, but fair warning: there's often more talk than action, and sometimes it's kind of dull. It does have one hilariously stupid moment involving an "E.T." poster.Ray and assistant director Donald G. Jackson play the medics.Five out of 10.

Woodyanders An entertaining, incredibly idiotic, and basically all-thumbs mid-80's earthbound "Alien" clone from the forever fumble-fingered Grade D dreckmonger Fred Olen Ray, who once again shows off his characteristic consummate ineptitude and flagrant disregard for anything remotely resembling professional film-making. Besides an obviously inebriated Aldo Ray delivering one of his single most horrendous performances as an irascible, constantly tongue-tied army general, Fred's then five-year-old son Christopher shambling about in a pitifully unconvincing rubber monster suit, a hilarious rockabilly ending credits theme song called "Rockabilly Rumble" performed by Johnny Legend and the Skullcaps, and plenty of Fred's patented crappy touches (dreadful acting, some bloody, but phony gore, excruciatingly labored attempts at no-brainer lowbrow humor, a little gratuitous bare female skin, a smug smartaleck attitude which suggests that Ray might be churning out these cheapie clunkers strictly for the money, and dimly lit nighttime cinematography that's guaranteed to make you blurry-eyed), the key reason to give this supremely shoddy stinker a look-see is to watch remarkably buxom erstwhile porn actress Angelique Pettyjohn show off her amazingly ample breasts in a couple of almost literally eye-popping scenes. Now, what more could you possibly ask for in an admittedly el zilcho two-cent "Alien" rip-off? Well, how about Fred in a quick cameo along with fellow partner-in-schlocky-celluloid-crime Donald G. Jackson (he who blessed us with "Hell Comes to Frogtown") as a medic. Best and funniest moment: When the irate dwarf creature shreds an "E.T." poster and stomps all over it in an angry jealous rage! A deliciously cheesy hoot and a half.

andybob-3 I was always curious about this film because it is so tough to find, so when I stumbled upon it on Ebay I forked over the $10 and bought it, now I understand why its so rare! This film is SO bad, so terribly written and hopelessly low budget that the ending credits, which show all of the cut scenes where they fumbled their lines, are literally the movie's highlight. The film is about a psychic (Pettyjohn, cast for one obvious reason, her topless scene) whom uses her powers with an experimental machine to pull objects from another dimension into this reality. When she pulls in some kind of box like object the military nonchalantly throws it into the open back of a truck with one soldier to guard it, and gee, what do you know? SURPRISE! A kid in a foam-rubber monster costume pops out, instantly kills the soldier with a scratch across his face, then escapes to a nearby city. But rather than deploy half the armed forces of the county to find it and protect the public those in charge just leave it up to Pettyjohn and Ray to find it on their own, but no matter, this movie blows all its credibility LONG before then. This barely escapes being voted a 1 by me only because of unintentional laughs, somebody needs to alert the producers of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" if they don't know about it already! 2 out 10, really, REALLY bad!

Sparky-48 If you're watching this movie, you're either a Fred Olen Ray fan, you found it on the $4.99 shelf at Suncoast and thought "what do I have to lose?", or you spun around the video store with your eyes closed and rented the first movie your finger touched.This movie is hysterically bad. It's got everything a terrible movie needs: a screenplay featuring jaw-dropping dialogue and baffling detours in the plot, wacky science involving psychics and other dimensions, continuity that seems to travel through wormholes in time and space, actors that are not only wooden, but seems to border on befuddled, gratuitous nudity (not all of it is what you necessarily would ask for), and of course, a 5' monster played by what I assume is Fred Olen Ray's kid.Underneath it all, however, there is something resembling heart -- as if Mickey & Judy decided to get together all the kids in the neighborhood and make a monster movie (hey! my dad can direct it! yeah! We can use red paint from my johnny's dad's hardware store, and I know this ex-stripper who can act in it!).Watch for the blooper reel over the credits -- you get to find out why the final cut of the movie was so crappy.Incidentally, Biohazard II...the Alien Force is also worth a look, but doesn't have the same enjoyably crappy veneer this one does.