ThiefHott Too much of everything

AniInterview Sorry, this movie sucks

SpuffyWeb Sadly Over-hyped

Voxitype Good films always raise compelling questions, whether the format is fiction or documentary fact.

ironhorse_iv Why would anybody want to dig up this worm's awful dirt movie? This Dennis Rodman's movie deserve to be buried. Don't get me wrong, Dennis Rodman was an alright basketball player, known for his fierce defensive and rebounding abilities, but he should have never reach the level of popularity that he got in the 90s. He was a nightmare, most of the time. He became notorious for numerous controversial antics. I'm not talking about his repeatedly dyed his hair in artificial colors, piercing or tattoos, I'm talking about his regularly disrupted games by clashing with opposing players and officials, missing practice, and being a total ass. I guess, this 'Bad Boy' persona work for him, and he turn to films to launch him, even further. Dennis Rodman is not the worst athlete turn actor, I ever saw, surprising, but he's clearly not anywhere near the best like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. There has only been one awesome tattoo cover, multi-color hair, black man named Simon and that's Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes) from the movie, 1993's Demolition Man. Sadly, this movie actor is not in that level. Directed by Kevin Elders, Simon Sez tells the story of Interpol agent Simon (Dennis Rodman) whom job is it, to gather up information about the weapons trade on the French Riviera and trying to pinpoint the man at its center. Meanwhile, Nick Miranda (Dane Cook) -- an old classmate of Simon's -- asks him for help. Nick needs to rescue his employer's daughter, Claire Fence (Natalia Cigliuti) who appears to have been kidnapped by the same people that Simon is tracking down. The pair must get to the bottom of the increasingly dangerous situation with the help of two cyber monks: Micro (John Pinette) & Macro (Ricky Harris) and a feisty woman (Emma Wiklund), to rescue the woman and save the day. While, the movie can be funny with it's over the top action, the supporting comedy relief characters are just unwatchable and unfunny. I really can't stand Dane Cook with the annoying over-used animal impressions. He's overstay his welcome with the bed humping scene. Others characters that I hate, are the Cyber Monks. They should never be in an action scene, nor should they ever dance again. How come, they're not the same cyber monks from 1997's Double Team if this movie is supposed to be a spin-off? Honestly, those monks were kinda cool. Still, it seems like much more than mere coincidence that Dennis Rodman starred in two movies that feature Cyber Monks. Honestly, whom idea was it to have Cyber Monks in the first place? Those monks look like Franciscan friars, judging by their robes. Franciscan friars aren't adverse to most aspects of modernity. What's next? Virtual Amish!? It's seem really a bit of contradicted to practice their religion. Anyways, these Cyber Monks, in this film are just lame and obnoxious as hell. I can do without all the fat 'Free Willy' jokes. Even the villain, Ashton (Jérôme Pradon) hams it up. He's so cartoony in his line delivery. Clayton Day as Claire's father, William Fence looks like Robert Redford. I saw that some people mistake it for him, at the time. I really did mistake him for Redford, at the time, as well. Sadly, the movie has no season good acting. All of them were pretty mediocre. This movie is so over the top schlock, anyways. The poor literacy misspell title is lame attempt to look cool. Sez? What's does Special economic zone have to do with Simon? The half-baked plot is just as generic as other B-list action films of the time with a lot of kidnapping and looking for a disk to take over the world. There is a lots of filler scenes just to increase the run time with pointless fight scenes and stunts. Lots of awful wire-works action, with poor-time jumps and kicks. The movie suffer from poor action/reaction cutting. The impact gets completely lost. There is also a lot of fights goofs that they left in. The late 90s CGI special effects in this film are very fake looking. Scenes like the tunnel or the robot bee look so phony. Even the explosion look pretty scale down, when badly done models blow up or actors walking around in clearly no hidden blue screens. Another headache scene is the strobe light sex scene with Dennis Rodman and Emma Wilklund. I felt like I was having a seizure, watching it. Overall: it's a really bad spy movie that put too much campy spy clichés in it. If you're a fan of stupid movies. Then, watch it. It does have some it's so bad, it's good moments. If you know what you're getting into, turn off your brain, sit back and enjoy it. If you're very smart. Avoid it at all cost. Trust me, I wish I didn't see this film.

auditrix The title of the movie pretty much lead me to believe this would be a bad bad viewing experience. This movie is #1 on my list of "worst movies ever made that are great fun to watch" I was highly entertained at the horrible acting, silly plot...er was there one? and the two monks. I mean come on...monk side-kicks? It's just over the top. This movie tries to be a comedy and an action flick all at once..the comedy failing so miserably that it is incredibly funny. This will be one of those bad movies that you will truly love because it is so bad, or some will find it just not quite bad enough. I would compare it to Arnold's Total Recall. A bad movie with bad jokes, bad action but FUN.

FilmIsPwn This is one of those movies where there is a minimum of one fight or chase scene every ten minutes, and if not for that there's no reason for the movie to exist. Rodman plays Simon, the man whose sezing is responsible for our title. Rodman is a secret agent for INTERPOL who has no less than TWO comedic sidekicks constantly dressed as monks in their monastery base in France. Simon is a motorcycle riding, kickboxing super agent capable of sliding down columns with his legs so that he can shoot guns with his hands. INTERPOL is apparently one of the easiest to work for secret agencies, because Rodman apparently has no mission or assignment to work on until an old schoolmate played by stand-up comedian Dane Cook, because apparently this film needs a THIRD comedic sidekick. Dane Cook is on a mission to exchange confidential military secrets for his boss's kidnapped daughter, and he brings Rodman along for the ride. The exchange goes bad and Rodman takes charge as any good action-hero does, and together Rodman and the trio of comic relievers try to track down the kidnapped girl and the most ridiculous villain since the Number 23 played itself in the Number 23.Dane Cook manages to work in his impersonations of dogs, dinosaurs from Jurassic Park, and Chewbacca into the first twenty minutes. Remarkably none of the "bits" that may very well have worked on stage fit into the movie and, furthermore, since they all sound virtually identical, really come off as lame. The only difference between Cook's dinosaur and Chewbacca is that dinosaurs have tiny arms. Apparently someone thought animal noises and kickboxing equaled box-office gold; of course, if that were true, Jean-Claude Van Damme's puppet show in Branson would be a bigger draw than it is now. Although to his credit Cook gives up on his impressions, one of Rodman's sidekicks (John Pinette) does a similar whale impression, which at least is tenuously related to the film because he is fat. Hilarious, no? About 1 out of 10 of Dane Cook's lines are amusing, but since 10 out of 10 are supposed to be funny, that's not a very good batting average. During a car chase where Rodman and Cook are being chased by the bad guys, and Rodman TWICE drives for an extended distance while tilted on two tires, Cook quips, "These guys are like my college loan officers, they just keep coming!" There is nothing better in a cheesy action movie than a scenery-chewing villain. This is the one role where it not only acceptable to overact, it is in fact mandatory by Hollywood law. When done right, the actor who hams it up as the villain can steal a movie, as proved by the likes of Robert Patrick in the horrible WWE Films "The Marine" or Christopher Walken in "The Rundown." Our villain "Ashton" is doing an effeminate, impish supervillain that's so bad he'd be more suitable to battle Pee Wee Herman than James Bond. This is the kind of villain who while menacing a colonel he's extorting says, "Colonel, do us all a favor and turn that frown upside down." My favorite is this exchange between Rodman and Ashton:Ashton: "Guess what we're going to blow up first!" Rodman: "Your ego?" Ashton: "No, but nice try, sailor! The Eiffel Tower!" Rodman: "Why?" Ashton: "Because it's big and it's delicious and I'm tired of looking at it!"Like any other action star, Rodman gets to dive from a building before it explodes, then walk in slow motion away from the same building as it burns. Just like a real action hero! And as he emerges, his cohorts actually say, "That's our Simon!" Which, if you think about it, is really dialogue more suited for a wacky, 50s sitcom rather than a cheesy, 90s action flick, but that's just my (correct) opinion.While I've never seen more than short clips of Cook's comedy act and none of his recent starring vehicles, I think he at least adds a certain charm to the film. Rodman doesn't fare so well, though the ridiculous script certainly is of no help. "It ain't over," Rodman growls with what is meant to be intensity. The man really doesn't possess any kind of charisma as far as I can detect. Beyond being a very good basketball player, the only reason that Rodman is famous is due to his outrageous publicity stunts like wearing a wedding dress to a book signing or wrestling in a tag team with Hulk Hogan and thereby degrading brides, books, and professional wrestling (which is hard to do).Unless you love bad action movies as much as I do, you should stay away from this at all costs. But I do love bad action movies as much as I do, and this is so bad it's actually entertaining.DJR - For more of my reviews check out film.ispwn.com

tonysharp Simon Sez is one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen. Its another one of those monstrosities that you have to force yourself to watch only so you can brag to your friends about how you were able to "watch the whole thing", and to see their shocked expressions after you say that. Other than that, there is no reason to force yourself through the consistent ineptness of this poor excuse for an action adventure.First off... It stars Dennis Rodman. That alone should be enough to turn most people away, but because I'm Mr. "Open To All Movies", I put in the video and watched it anyway.Since my brain has an automated trash filter and defragger (I still run on NTFS), I only remember small pieces of the film. One scene that stood out, and shouted to me like an old woman with a bad hip, was the scene where master martial artist Xin Xin Xiong and some woman (I forgot her name) were engaging in a tightly choreographed fight. But because Rodman was the "star" and didn't want to be upstaged up by his "co-stars", a way had to be found to bring him into this action. But Rodman can't fight. So their solution was to just have Rodman stomp into the scene like Frankenstein and claw, pounce, and push his way through the fight. And this didn't just happen once. It happened many times...Before I start cursing I'll just end my review here.Don't see this movie. Spare yourself the pain.