Grimerlana Plenty to Like, Plenty to Dislike

Bea Swanson This film is so real. It treats its characters with so much care and sensitivity.

Matylda Swan It is a whirlwind of delight --- attractive actors, stunning couture, spectacular sets and outrageous parties.

Lachlan Coulson This is a gorgeous movie made by a gorgeous spirit.

brando647 While one of the most generically titled movies I've seen, STAR PILOT is also one of the most delightfully stupid. The plot is nonsensical, the effects are wonderfully low budget, and most of the characters are indistinguishable from each other. I was excited to revisit the world of '60s era Italian space adventure, and it was an added bonus when the opening credits listed Gordon Mitchell (the hilariously over-theatrical star of THE GIANT OF METROPOLIS) as a cast member. Unfortunately, Mitchell's role in the film turned out to be nothing more than a short cameo but at least the space adventure was a wicked fun time. It starts with an alien spacecraft landing in Sardinia (an island in the Mediterranean off the eastern coast of Italy) and the world immediately forgetting about it. Three months later, Professor Solmi (Roland Lesaffre) is informed of a plot of land in Sardinia that shows signs of radioactivity and he, along with his daughter Luisa (Leontine May) and associate Paolo (Mario Novelli), fly out to investigate. Upon arrival, they're plagued with strange occurrences, including an earthquake that opens a cavern into the ground. The group descend into the cavern and discover the alien spacecraft but, before they can report their findings, they're attacked by a trio of Asian men who insist the professor show them the underground rocket, believing it to be a secretly developed weapon. Violence erupts and soon they're all taken captive by the aliens within the vessel who demand the humans repair their engines and assist in piloting the craft into space. Under the command of Kaena (Leonora Ruffo), the aliens promise to leave the humans on Earth once the craft is functional…but can they be trusted?I could spend an hour chatting someone's ear off about everything I found hilarious about this movie. I did my best to give a succinct understanding of the basic premise but I know I haven't done it justice. The plot is both way more and way less complicated than that. It wants to come across as epic in scope with an environmental message behind it; the aliens explain at one point that the whole reason they were on Earth in the first place was to observe and determine whether all the nuclear experimentation our race was performing would have any dangerous effects on the rest of the galaxy. That's right, an advanced race of space-faring aliens are concerned that the nuclear effects on a single small world will put the entire rest of the galaxy at risk. Science! These advanced aliens are also in such a bind that they need the relatively primitive humans to repair their engines for them. And fly the ship. All without any sort of preexisting knowledge and instruction. And they do it! The humans are so much smarter than the aliens that they master use of the alien spacecraft and stage a mutiny to gain control of the craft. So the aliens from the constellation Hydra aren't all they're cracked up to be; how do the humans fare?Worse. Aside from the professor and maybe Paolo, the human characters are either faceless (the Asian men as well as two of the professor's own crew) or annoying and unnecessary (Luisa). Let's start with the Asian men who are, to be honest, completely pointless to the plot. They're some sort of agents for yet another vague operation and, whatever you do, don't mistake them for Chinese agents."Make no mistake. We are Oriental, not Chinese. We do not represent the People's Republic."One of them throws out that little disclaimer first and foremost when confronting the professor and his people. It felt more like a message from the filmmakers than the characters, wanting to ensure they didn't upset an entire viewing demographic. Regardless, they have no use here. I guess they add a slight element of intrigue, with the whole (laughable) spy operation element in the beginning of the film. Once we're with the aliens, the Asian men serve no purpose other than to provide a little tension before unceremoniously hauled off and presumably eaten by killer space gorillas. I'm so happy to say that's not an exaggeration. Killer. Space. Gorillas.But hold on, let's shift over to Luisa. Why is Luisa here? She's a young woman who still acts like a teenager and tags along with her father on his work outing to Sardinia. She's disruptive, ignorant, and I'm pretty sure at one point she was tripping on acid (during the initial cavern investigation). She has no sense of self-preservation and seems to have no concerns when taken as a hostage by aliens. In fact, her first response to captivity is to lust over one of the alien men. From the perspective of the filmmakers, I'm assuming Luisa's role in the movie was to move through a progressively skimpier wardrobe. But the funniest part of Luisa's character is how the men treat her. I know that sounds horrible, but let me explain. Every man in this movie is incredibly dismissive of Luisa, but not for the reasons I've already mentioned. They don't tease her because she's an idiot. They tease her because she's a woman. Come on, guys. If you want to hate on Luisa, don't do it because she's a woman. Do it because she thought it'd be fun to wrestle the helicopter pilot on the flight to the worksite, nearly killing you all.STAR PILOT is a must for fans of crazy old school space adventures. Zero-G is simulated with trampolines. No one uses space helmets (not even the humans). The alien's robots look like giant yellow Oompa Loompas in ribbed condom jumpsuits. That Shyamalan-ian twist ending. And did I mention the killer space gorillas?

Woodyanders Aliens from the planet Hydra crash land their spaceship on Earth. The ship's occupants kidnap a scientist and force him to fix their damaged craft. However, the scientist, his daughter, several technicians, and two untrustworthy Oriental spies who all have been taken hostage band together to mutiny against their captures. Writer/director Pietro Francisco relates the entertainingly asinine story at a snappy pace and treats the gloriously ludicrous premise with hilariously misguided seriousness. The game acting from the enthusiastic cast keeps everything humming, with especially commendable work from ravishing redhead Leonora Ruffo as formidable alien leader Kaena, Mario Novelli as the handsome and dashing Paolo, Roland Lesaffre as the no-nonsense Prof. Solmi, Kirk Morris as the stolid Belsy, and the luscious Leontine May as the spunky Luisa Solmi. Legendary muscleman Gordon Mitchell has a regrettably tiny part as gruff alien Murdu. The cruddy (far from) special effects, dodgy dubbing, clumsily staged action set pieces, a welcome appearance by a savage tribe of grunting'n'leaping primitive apemen extraterrestrials, and the totally unexpected from out in left field surprise bummer ending all add immensely to this picture's considerable campy charm. The garish cinematography by Giulio Albonico and Silvano Ippoliti gives the movie an eye-popping bright look. Nico Fidenco's neatly varied score alternates between groovy swinging lounge and more generic spacey stuff. A complete kitschy hoot.

Leofwine_draca A muddled, typically bad, campy Italian science fiction film which is nonetheless a must-see for seekers of the weird and delightful. This is a badly-edited, poorly-dubbed mess of a movie, with a non-existent budget and a story which lacks a decent beginning, middle or end. Yet despite all the flaws it may have (including scenes of astronauts floating in space without helmets!), it remains a largely entertaining space vehicle full of strange creatures and bizarre special effects work.Once the action shifts from Earth to space the film becomes much more interesting as a whole and packs some seriously bizarre situations into the short running time. Okay, so there isn't too much action on view, but we do get scenes of rayguns turning people into flaming skeletons and the 'comedic' effects of anti-gravity on the unwitting human inhabitants of the spacecraft.The presence of two Italian babes (Leonora Ruffo and Leontine May) also makes things easy on the eye, with the former flame-haired girl in a tight-fitting PVC miniskirt and the latter dressed in a fishnet costume (with appropriate frilly bits; remember the kids) for a substantial part of the running time. For the girls, there are plenty of male models to make up the masculine side of the cast, including the presence of peplum icon Kirk Morris (ATLAS AGAINST THE CZAR) in a tight-fitting full body PVC costume as an alien guard. Eagle-eyed viewers may notice harsh-faced peplum star Gordon Mitchell in a one-scene cameo as the alien 'Murdu', appearing on a monitor, no less! Incidental pleasures include a run-in with a planet full of apes (yet this is no PLANET OF THE APES) who run around waving bones like would-be Ronnie Corbetts; the hilarious heavy breathing that first alerts our scientists to the presence of "something" under the ground; the un-politically correct replacing of the robot slaves with some unwilling Chinese men; plus the hilariously mock-serious "dire warning" of the ending which warns of the consequences of nuclear war. Much like the character of Leontine May in this film, 2 + 5: MISSION HYDRA is a pretty but vacuous Italian gem.

vinnienh Although the special effects are nice and the music by Nico Fidenco is excellent this sci-fi doesn't really move on. More monsters and a bigger performance by Gordon Mitchell maybe could have saved "Star Pilot" but now it is only an overlong talkie technical adventure.