Minty the Assassin

2009 "A fanboy fantasy about lesbians, martial arts, high heels and science."
3.7| 1h20m| en| More Info
Released: 07 August 2009 Released
Producted By: Ground Down Productions
Country:
Budget: 0
Revenue: 0
Official Website: http://ground-down.com/minty/
Synopsis

MINTY is a youthful, raven haired, punk rock, feminist, female super heroine, that gets her super powers from eating chocolate (which is a good source of antioxidants). One day Minty's agent, BIG BOSS, an older and honorable gentlemen, is taken hostage by DOCTOR BRAIN BENDER, the evil neuro-scientist. Minty then fights her way up various perverse floors of Doctor Brain Bender's paranormal building to rescue Big Boss. Several unusual villains stand in her way: CAPTAIN CAPABILITY, a freak of nature; SENSATIONAL NINJA, an effeminate assassin; RAT MONSTER, a depressed mutant; BRUCE ZEE, a psycho martial artist; MOLLY LEVIATHAN, a sensual super vixen; ZEN COWBOY, a blindfolded gunslinger; and DOUBLE DELICIOUS, an intellectual lesbian vampire. Throughout this wild odyssey, Minty educates her adversaries on the fascinating world of natural science and then uses her beauty, her brains, and pure brutality to demonstrate the biological theory of the survival of the fittest

... View More
Stream Online

The movie is currently not available onine

Director

Producted By

Ground Down Productions

AD
AD

Watch Free for 30 Days

All Prime Video Movies and TV Shows. Cancel anytime. Watch Now

Trailers & Images

Reviews

Moustroll Good movie but grossly overrated
Tayyab Torres Strong acting helps the film overcome an uncertain premise and create characters that hold our attention absolutely.
Kaelan Mccaffrey Like the great film, it's made with a great deal of visible affection both in front of and behind the camera.
Mathilde the Guild Although I seem to have had higher expectations than I thought, the movie is super entertaining.
zensurfer-31578 Not bad for a B movie, but still bad. The acting is OK, at least as far as the lead is concerned, the rest simply are reading their lines and trying their best to put some emotion into it. The action scenes are choreographed well enough. The music even the stuff that I might have liked is simply annoying. It looks to me like a couple of aging porn stars tried to make a movie, and thought they could act because they have faked so many orgasms. Two things might make this movie better, less plot and more hardcore porn, well that might not make it better but it might be more enjoyable.
Leofwine_draca MINTY: THE ASSASSIN is your typical example of shot on video superhero spoof junk. This couldn't be any more tongue in cheek if it tried. A female superhero goes around whupping bad guy ass while various wisecracks are attempted and fall flat every time. This was filmed in close up on just a handful of sets and features a random lesbian assassin and some mildly racist stock Asian kung fu bad guys (one 'Jacki R. Chan' is credited in the cast). I still don't know what's worse, the wooden acting or the lame, slow fight choreography.
D. Ceased Where to begin with this; there's too much here to riff on. I guess the first place to start is its biggest downfall; this movie isn't funny in the slightest. Every attempt at humor in this fails so unbelievably hard, from all the stupid sexual innuendos (which are about as subtle as a slap to the face). But that isn't the only flaw in this, the writing is also absolute ####, the effects are so laughably bad they would have been outdated in 1996! The music is perhaps the worst selection of ill-fitting songs I have ever heard in a movie soundtrack. The acting, writing, effects, fighting, characters, attempts at humor; it's all incredibly bad.Minty is a lesbian assassin who works for a man who's called Big Boss, who is also her mentor. She teases with a Lesbian vampire named Double Delicious, who's working with some sort of doctor. Big Boss gets kidnapped and Minty must fight through the... Cocktower (dear God, please kill me now!), with each person she fights being more inept and retarded than the last. There's a running gimmick where they all take off a piece of clothing; and if you're too slow to catch it then padd the run time out with flashbacks to them. She ends up freeing Big Boss, meeting with Doctor B and Double Delicious, whom the former is a gigantic fanboy of. The doctor takes over DD's body and Minty and DD have a long, drawn out, and very boring "sex" scene. Minty causes DD to orgasm and breaks the doctor's control. She kills him. Minty and Big Boss have a rubbish conversation, you can tell the writers thought they were touching on something "deep" and were expanding on universal knowledge, but it's closer to something a little kid would write in an attempt to appear intelligent.The only appeal to this movie is all the overt sexuality in it, with woman getting as frisky as they can in a softer-than-softcore film. We get terrible almost sex scenes, mostly of the women rubbing against each other (mostly fully clothed, there's covered nudity at the end). For a movie that tries to bring in the 13 year old crowd, this movie doesn't offer much to keep their horned-up attention span.The fighting and effects are very amateur and non-existent, the fighting choreography is not very good at all, almost every predictable fighting movie cliché is throw in, you can see every move coming a mile away. The effects are almost all cg, and very, very, very bad cg at that. As I said earlier, the cg effects in the mid-90s were better than what is seen in this. The extent of the practical effects is a painted mannequin arm.Flat out avoid this, I only gave it a 2 star because it's not the worse movie I've ever seen. Pure garbage, only liked by those unable or too lazy to find porn online.
Daniel Towers Has a movie ever moved you to tears? It's only happened to me on two occasions. The first was during Pokemon: The First Movie during the scene in which Ash is turned to stone. The second time I cried tears of joy at the artistic magnificence of this movie. Never have I seen a movie so full of drama, action and heroism, nor have I seen a movie pull off these traits so well. If you plan on only watching one movie in your lifetime then forget Shawshank Redemption, forget Green Mile, forget the Godfather and forget any other movie that springs to mind. THIS is the movie everyone should see before they die! Everyone involved in its production deserves a knighthood!