Beanbioca As Good As It Gets

TrueHello Fun premise, good actors, bad writing. This film seemed to have potential at the beginning but it quickly devolves into a trite action film. Ultimately it's very boring.

Rio Hayward All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

Kirandeep Yoder The joyful confection is coated in a sparkly gloss, bright enough to gleam from the darkest, most cynical corners.

MartinHafer Having just watched Ted Mikels' film "Apartheid Slave-Women's Justice", I was amazingly lenient when it came to viewing "Seven Mummies". That's because "Apartheid" and many of Mikels' other films are NOT on the IMDb Bottom 100 list--and should be. So, by comparison, "Seven Mummies" doesn't look THAT bad--but it still is bad.The plot is the weird sort of concept that works best as a video game--sort of like "Red Dead Redemption Undead Nightmare". Seriously--which is the zombie western sequel to "Red Dead Redemption". It has plenty of shooting and violence and bloody gore, but as a film, it lacks plot and dialog--minor things that tend to make a movie worth watching! This movie begins in the present day with a group of prisoners escaping and heading into the desert. They wander into a strange western town--circa 1870. Now this SHOULD have been their first clue that this was NOT a town where they should stay. But, there are lots of hookers--and these sleazy men have been locked up for some time. So, they stick around for some fun--and in the middle of this, the townspeople become zombies of sorts--and the zombie prostitutes start tearing several of the prisoners apart. However, the townsfolk seem relatively easy to kill--and you don't even need a head shot! But, there are so many, they still don't seem to stand a chance. And, after a while, it all becomes more and more boring--as there is NO PLOT--just zombie/vampire/mummy folks trying to kill our anti-heroes. I say zombie/vampire/mummy because they eat flesh (so they must be zombies), they call each other vampires (ditto) and the film has mummy in the title (ditto). Whatever...all I know is that the film was, as I said, like watching a video game. Not much plot, terrible acting and dialog--I can see how it made the Bottom 100 list, but frankly it's not among the 100 worst films I've seen. Isn't it sad that there are MANY films worse than this?!

Wizard-8 Having seen a lot of B movies, I can tell you that the idea of criminals on the run with a hostage encountering supernatural horror is not an original idea. But I wouldn't have minded seeing it again had this effort been well executed - which it isn't. It's a slow-moving story, and despite the slow pace the movie doesn't try to expand on the characters very much. In fact, I don't think you even learn the names of the prisoners! Movie also suffers from setting most of the movie in near-total darkness, which makes it hard to determine at times just what is going on. The rap and thrash metal songs on the soundtrack also seem out of place.Oh, and if you are thinking of seeing this movie because you are either (or both) a fan of Danny Trejo or Billy Drago, be warned - Trejo just has basically one brief scene, and Drago's role isn't that much bigger.

tevildoii-1 There are numerous things wrong with this movie, of which I'll just point out a few.The soundtrack was intrusive and borderline-offensive. You can tune out a John Williams score if you don't like it, but nu-metal or mexi-rap-rock so loud it drowns out the (dubious) dialogue doesn't have that option. If you don't like it--and most people don't--it kills the movie.The plot... what can I say? There were moments where it seemed a plot might emerge, but they inevitably turned out just muddying the waters further. My theory is that Thadd Turner woke up from a drunken stupor and simply wrote down what he'd dreamed while under the influence of alcohol poisoning. You can practically smell the stale beer and vomit in some scenes. The gosh-golly-we're-in-the-Old-West-but-won't-question-it situation was absolutely laughable. And correct me if I'm wrong, but don't people mine gold in order to spend it, not so they can hide it forever? Are these Jesuit priests actually Smaug the Dragon? Where did they acquire elite kung-fu skills? The motives throughout are completely baffling. I'm still unclear on whether the sheriff was one of the seven mummies, whether he wanted the gold for himself or to protect it, or why he was after the amulet at all. Speaking of which, where did the other six amulets go? And the other three or four mummies? What are the chances that a gassed-up, operational Harley Davidson would be found under a mass of cobwebs in an Old West shanty? How did the dehydrated self-mutilator find the town, and why did he cart along a corpse? Whose corpse was it? Did the "heroes" ever return to burn that godforsaken town to the ground and claim the gold? Does anyone even care? The production values weren't bad, aside from sound and lighting. It seemed the camera operators and editors had extensive practice in the adult film industry. Only a few moments really dragged on, mostly Sheriff Dusty's monologues to his horse and Danny Trejo's self-amused chortles. It was a -horrible- movie, but it wasn't -unwatchable-. Those who claim so clearly haven't seen just how bad movies can be. At the very least, there was no shortage of eye candy. Teenage boys would probably prefer this to a blank screen... maybe.Goonfactor: extremely high, but much of the gooniness was derived from equally goony but less atrocious pieces.

CaboWaboWobbler First let me say I'm sorry for your pain and suffering if you have already seen this movie. The movie is no more than a poor at best attempt of an ongoing subject, Mummies and their curse. I'm still trying to figure out where the title "7 Mummies" comes from. Unless I missed something, which is possible since I had no problem going to the fridge without pausing this waste of time, I only counted 2 mummies. If the movie itself wasn't enough to make you cringe, the soundtrack will at the very least will give you a "headbanging headache".The bottom line is that if it weren't for Cerina Vincent and the "Vamp Tramps",it wouldn't have even gotten a 3! The best part of this movie other than looking Ms Vincent was the fact that it is only 80 minutes long. Good thing, I don't think I could have taken much more.