Scanialara You won't be disappointed!

Chirphymium It's entirely possible that sending the audience out feeling lousy was intentional

WillSushyMedia This movie was so-so. It had it's moments, but wasn't the greatest.

Abbigail Bush what a terribly boring film. I'm sorry but this is absolutely not deserving of best picture and will be forgotten quickly. Entertaining and engaging cinema? No. Nothing performances with flat faces and mistaking silence for subtlety.

jet66 Maybe you've always wondered, "what would it be like to cross Big Trouble in Little China with Enter the Dragon, and maybe added zombies?" If you have, then here's your ridiculous varietal.Reprising his role as a mysterious, magical, and ancient Chinese sorcerer, James Hong is a successful, supernatural vintner on a secluded island, with a small army of martial arts henchmen ready for his every evil command. Naturally, his villainy is all about killing hotties to keep him immortal. And for some reason, zombies are essential to his vineyard. Also necessary for the fermentation is a fresh kill in the wine vat. I'm no enologist, but I think there's easier ways to make tastier wines - and more coherent plots for better movies. The "special effects" are the special needs children of film making, largely involving cut- aways to rubber masks. The few martial arts scenes are without any grace or choreography. And while the plot premise could have been promising, its execution is truly disappointing. But, If you like crapulent acting, hilariously awful dialog and cheesy synth soundtracks from the 80s, this movie could be your Chateauneuf du Poo.

Coventry Ah, the perfect culinary combination: cheese and wine! Although, despite what the title and plot summary suggest, it's mainly cheese that we're served here in this thoroughly imbecile and incompetent excuse for an 80's horror movie. James Hong, the star of a literally endless list of TV-shows and bad B-movies, stars, wrote and even co-directed this movie that entirely revolves around himself as a successful and mysterious wine grower who lives on a private island with a bunch of loyal servants. Dr. Po worships an ancient Chinese god and the liquid he produces in his dungeon mainly serves to constantly rejuvenate his own 500-year-old body. He's also on the lookout for a bride and therefore he continuously lures young people to the island with the excuse of casting people for a movie. The girls end up imprisoned in the cellar and the boys become rotten zombies that aimlessly wander around the island. As you can derive from the summary, "The Vineyard" features several interesting ideas but sadly none of them are adequately processed in the screenplay. Late 80's horror movies are often chaotic, but at least a minimum of continuity would have been nice, don't you agree? The make-up art and special effects are tolerable (we've all seen worse, haven't we?) and the girls in the supportive cast are welcome eye-candy, especially Karen Witter and Cheryl Lawson.

BaronBl00d James Hong writes, directs, and stars in this appalling film about a mad doctor/wine grower/movie producer living on an island and having young, physically attractive men and women come to his island so he can either kill them or hang them up by handcuffs in his winery. Naturally, one, Karen Witter, a hot little blonde, is there to be his hypnotized bride. Whew! Hong prays to some Chinese god which has given him some ability to live forever. What the bodies of the visitors have to do with the wine is never explained. Nor is why zombies rise on the island. Nor is virtually anything of noteworthy status. The script just plain sucks! The special effects are bad as we see Hong get old(a rubbery mask perhaps), or some super-imposed green eyes are given to him, or scenes showing physical changes are just edited and pieced together rather than shot in one take or cleverly edited for the purpose of continuity. The acting is awful. Hong is a decent actor but not with this crap. The rest are just pretty faces with seemingly little behind those faces and bodies. Clichéd characters abound...some trying to be funny. Nothing is very original about the way things are done in terms of the horror aspects of the film. A bad movie no matter how you try to spin it. Although of Chinese subject matter, The Vineyard left me quite full. I certainly wasn't in the mood for anymore in an hour. Perhaps a 100 years from now. No way!

Paul Andrews The Vineyard starts in Dr. Elson Po's (co-writer & co-director James Hong) laboratory, various pieces of scientific equipment, strangle liquid, beakers & test tubes adorn the tables. A extremely old looking Po drinks a strange magical potion that instantly restores his youth, well to a fairly young 60 years old. When he isn't making magical youth (60 years old?) potions Dr. Elson Po is a world famous wine maker. People are paying up to $50,000 a bottle, which is quite a lot really for a bottle of wine. Dr. Po invites various guests to his reclusive vineyard on his very own private island. A film producer named Paul Edmonds (Karl-Heinz Teuber) who brings two aspiring (& bad) actresses Jezebel Fairchild (Karen Witter) & Nancy Stone (Cheryl Madson), Lucas Carroll (Lars Wangberg) who is a martial arts type, Brian Whitman (Sean P. Donahue) & a journalist named Jeremy Young (Micheal Wong). Dr. Po's other guests are already there, Brad Fuller (Rue Douglas), Claudia Lee (Cheryl Lawson) & Celeste Jones (Sherri Ball). That night Po throws a big party for everyone in his mansion. The party ends up outside in the vineyard where Nancy spots a corpse sticking out of the ground since it appears to have only been buried a few inches down. However no one believes her, except that is Jeremy who is intrigued by Po & becomes convinced something strange is going on. After the party Dr. Po uses his magical powers to kill a few of his guests as he needs human bodies for his potion which will make him young (60 years old?) again. Dr. Po has special plans for Jezebel while the rest try to stay alive, rescue her & escape Dr. Po's island & it's horrifying secrets...Directed by Hong & William Rice I thought The Vineyard was an absolute mess of a horror film. The script by Hong, Douglas Kondo & James Marlowe can't decide what it wants to be, a comedy or horror. Maybe the fact that The Vineyard had two different directors was factor in how the film turned out but that's still no excuse for producing such a lame film. I just don't understand how someone who has the power of eternal youth would turn himself into a 60 year old man. The characters are poor, there is no tension, excitement or atmosphere, the plot is a mess hard to follow & very silly plus the whole film is quite amateurishly made throughout. The acting is bad, the special effects are bad, the fight scenes are bad & the dance sequence is embarrassing even by 80's standards as are the clothes & hairstyles. The zombies are pathetic, they actually throw punches & kicks rather than try & bite people & are defeated by throwing 'sacred soil' over them, lame. There's a witch zombie woman in the attic but she only appears to be there to scream a lot & look old. The plot of The Vineyard is very loose, most of what happens is of little importance towards the final outcome & is only there to waste time, the characters aren't really given any sort of background, they're bland cardboard cutouts, uninteresting, they are all very much alike & very little explanation is given for what Dr. Po is actually doing or how he's doing it. The whole production looks cheap, the effects, the sets, costumes & the ominous sounding sacrificial altar at the end of the film is nothing more than a chair with two candles, one either side! There is a scene where Jeremy is chained up & beaten but during & after this severe beating his over-sized glasses remain perfectly positioned on his face even though the force of the punches violently knocks him all over the place, there are many more examples of scenes like this that are badly thought out & come across as somewhat ridiculous looking. There are exactly two good scenes in The Vineyard, a sequence where spiders start to crawl out of an unfortunate woman's mouth & a scene where a guy has long needles shoot out of his throat, other than that it's badness all the way. Generally there isn't much blood or gore, just a quick decapitated head & that's about it. Overall The Vineyard features kung-fu fighting zombies, magical potions, ancient amulets, a mad Doctor, an ugly witch in the attic, a sacrifice, a dungeon full of chained up half naked women, a transvestite & some extremely bad 80's dancing but it still somehow manages to be terrible in just about every way possible. Credit where it's due though, & believe me The Vineyard doesn't deserve much, at least it's not a boring film & has a certain 'so bad it's good' thing about it, it's just a shame that it's a poorly thought out & executed one. Personally I'd say don't bother with The Vineyard as there are much better horror films out there worthy of your attention.