ironhorse_iv
Made way before other pro-wrestlers, like Mick Foley, Bill Goldberg, the Miz and Big Show ever put on the red and white suit; Hulk Hogan was the first wrestler to capitalize on the idea of making a Christmas movie. Written by Jonathan Bond, Fred Mata & Dorrie Krum Raymond, the film tells the story of a self-centered millionaire turn Santa Claus, Blake Thorn (Hulk Hogan) having to save an orphanage from an evil scientist, Ebner Frost (Ed Begley, Jr.), who wants to destroy it, in order to gain access to the magical crystals underneath it. Without spoiling the movie too much, the original story wasn't really originally made for Hogan to start. Instead, it was create for infamous con-artist stockbroker, Jordan Belford subject of 2013's film 'The Wolf of Wall Street' who became one of the film's executive producer. However, once Hogan got on board, much of the original story was scrap, in order to appeal to Hulk Hogan's ego. Because of that, we get a lot of pointless moments, in which the audience is treated with unrealistic scenes in which, Hogan shows off his strength. While, Hogan still looks impression in some of the action scenes; it really clear that the 24-Inch Pythons weren't as big as they used to. All those years, taking bumps and steroids has really took its toll on the man's health and body. He looks so different, when compare to what he look during his 1980s 'Hulkamania' days. Still, he was not as eerie as today's Hulk Hogan. Yet, I have to say, Hulk Hogan wasn't as bad, in the action role, as he could had. Most of the action scenes fell flat, because how fake the visual effects explosions look, how ludicrous the car chases were shot, or how badly stage, the fight scenes were. If anything, he really try to make the film, seem entertaining, even if his singing with child actress, Aria Noelle Curzon seem kinda bad. Also, while Hogan might not be the best comedian in the world, more or less, some of his facial expressions and physical slapstick throughout the film, did make me, laugh. Because of this, I don't think, this movie deserve to be in the currently list on IMDb's bottom 100 movies ever. Not all the jokes fell flat. It's just has enough 'so bad, it's kinda good' vibe, to make me, not hate the movie as much as others. Yet, there were a lot of things that did anger me, about this film. For starters, I didn't like the use of the old film 'Identify Amnesia' clichés. It's really hard to believe that Blake couldn't remember, anything about his previous life at all. Also, the amnesia angle kinda lessen the impact of his morality character arch, as well. Even the second smacking of his head felt a bit forced. Another thing, that bother me, was the idea that "the richest man in ten states", goes unrecognized by virtually everyone for so long into the film. Even the police doesn't know, who Blake is. If they did, they would had arrest him, along with the other criminals toward the end, for reckless driving, shooting at an officer, and the endangerment of the life of others. Instead, nearly everybody believes he is the real Santa Claus, despite acting and looking nothing like the fictional holiday character. It really made the supporting characters in the film, look really stupid. Despite that, I did like, seeing familiar supporting actors like Don Stark, Garrett Morris, and Ed Begley Jr. in the roles, they were given. Even, Mila Kunis in her film debut was not that bad to watch. However, I couldn't get, behind how unrealistic, the henchmen villains, were. It was very weird to see over-the-top cartoony people harassing an orphanage of three children with T-squares and Styrofoam candy canes. It's also odd that the orphanage never bother, calling the cops before Blake came to the rescue. Added to that bizarreness was the scene where the scoundrels use phone-calls recording to trick Blake. How did they know to do that, anyways!? The movie has way, too many hackney plot-holes that is hard to ignore. It really doesn't make any sense. All these loose-ends and over the top dramatic, made the film felt more like a cheesy 'superhero' movie than anything else. As for the quality of the film footage. It really does look like it aged badly. Even with the most modern DVD, the footage still looks washed out with a lot of aliasing and shimmering. It had such shoddy detail. The old VHS tape are even worst with its tracking issues. Overall: While, it might be good to say your prayers, and eat your vitamins. I can't say, the same about watching this movie. While, die-hard Hulkamaniacs might like this movie. For me, it was just mediocre. Not the worst movie, I saw. Nor the best.
LoonyAaron
What can really be said about a film like this?Well, let's start with a little background information about the leading man. Terry 'Hulk Hogan' Boella is the most selfish man in the wrestling business. He never put over anyone, he can't sell whatsoever and he tried to sabotage Bret Hart's career. He even disrespect Shawn Michaels - SHAWN FREAKING MICHAELS. The Heart-Break Kid! The Icon! The Showstoppa'! MR. WRESTLEMANIA!So when the Hulkster is tasked with playing an obnoxious, egotistical, vapid, sexually confused plutocrat it is by far the most convincing part of this abortion of a movie.He hires his buddy Ed Leslie to play an Asian doctor - correct, an EVIL Asian doctor. Ed Leslie, the man who couldn't get over playing a stripper/barber. Ed Leslie, the man who caused a terrorist scare when people mistook his COCAINE for anthrax. The fact that this man was in the wrestling business for so long is bad enough, but for the love of God and Scorsese, blacklist him from cinema!This movie is awful, truly awful in every way. You see, there's an orphanage and it's going to get blown up. And when the poor children need someone to rely on, who do they turn to? The cops? A responsible grown up? No, poor old steroid-addict Hulk Hogan. He rambles through the script like a diabetic monkey, delivering dialogue so hideous it would make Vince Price (God rest his soul) blanch.And then, at the end of the movie, this disturbed mental patient, makes a bunch of orphans live alone with him in his secluded mansion. Everything about this film is wrong, everything about this film should be buried in the Nevada desert alongside Jimmy Hoffa and those copies of the ET video game.Do not watch this movie. No, not even if you are told to do so by your Mother on her death bed. This is tripe of the highest order and will actually make you question your sexual orientation. At one part, Hogan begins wearing a fetish Santa suit complete with tight leather boots and an S&M belt. I wish I was making this up.Please, just let this film die a slow and painful death.
duaneambroz
Is to use any and all copies of this film as Yule Logs, though it would likely leave a lingering stench for weeks to come. Everyone has summed up this film pretty accurately; it makes the Christmas turkey that Scrooge bought for Bob Crachit look like a spring chicken. The film stars that great thespian Hulk Hogan. He has made some pretty awful films, but even he should have used an alias for this one. Not to be missed is his costume, which is pure Village People Santa (it's a shame they didn't record a song about the holiday joy of sitting on Santa with Muscle's lap). Granted, I am not a geologist, but any crystals that have the ability to explode if barely jostled can be used for sword fights later on in the film, well, your script editors have some continuity issues. Remember the old saying, that if you put 1000 monkeys into a room with 1000 typewriters, that one of them will eventually write Shakespeare? They might not get to Shakespeare, but this film is evidence that they will churn out a steaming pile of reindeer crap. If you truly want to spread Christmas cheer, get yourself a caroling book and a few friends and hit the streets. The only thing this film is good for is as a substitute for coal in a Christmas stocking.
