Karry Best movie of this year hands down!

GrimPrecise I'll tell you why so serious

Platicsco Good story, Not enough for a whole film

Plustown A lot of perfectly good film show their cards early, establish a unique premise and let the audience explore a topic at a leisurely pace, without much in terms of surprise. this film is not one of those films.

Leonard Smalls: The Lone Biker of the Apocalypse "Damned River" is like a mix between "Deliverance" and "Treasure of the Amazon." It has elements of Euor-trash and I happened to like that a lot. It also has some comic relief...which I didn't really like.The main star is pretty convincing in his role, but slips a few times. The part is somewhat poorly written because he has this alter-ego as a rough around the edges 'hunk' and the movie suffers a little for this.Perhaps the most impressive element to be found is the beautiful cinematography on the river and the surrounding African nation of Zimbabwe. This movie would make a nice travelogue of the region. I was impressed to say the least.For fans of trashy 80's action adventure and perhaps jungle/cannibal/euro trash flicks, I think there is some fun to be had here.7 out of 10, kids.

BloodTheTelepathicDog Four American silver-spoon fed would-be adventurers travel to Zimbabwe for their vacation with the desire to go river rafting. They hire Stephen Shellen to lead them down the river. Before they embark on their journey, mysterious cads show up and disagree with Shellen while Shellen's sidekick opts to leave the expedition when said cads begin grilling. However, the four sharp Americans can't see this as an alarm so they head down the river with Shellen as their only guide.Shellen is quick to display his short temper as the fun-guy keeps goofing off which perturbs Stephen. Shellen accosts the loser throughout the film but his buddies are too spineless to stand up to their short-tempered guide. Their meek ways finally become understandable when Shellen sneaks off and murders the aforementioned cad and then tosses his severed head toward the four vacationers. This scene is the highlight of the film. The four vacationers then spend the remainder of the film trying to keep the psycho from further carnage, but with the tasty Lisa Aliff around, Shellen's psycho has a morsel that has captured his twitchy eye.STORY: $$ (This film came well before the A-list "River Wild" and essentially has the same plot. But the script here doesn't effectively build any tension since Shellen easily subdues the minor little uprising the vacationers try. Shellen is almost unreasonably one-jump ahead of the foursome).ACTING: $$ (Nothing of real note here. Stephen Shellen (The Stepfather) is okay in the main role as a psycho but he doesn't effectively go "over-the-top" in his crazed role--he's more laughable than convincing at times. John Terlesky (Chopping Mall) plays the lead rafter and Lisa Aliff's boyfriend, but he's just too much the coward to, like his two friends, to pull for. That being said, all you have left to root for is Lisa Aliff (Playroom) as the only dame on the vacation. There is chemistry between her and Shellen at first but when he ogles her bathing in the river, she loses interest. Lisa gives the best performance here but the screenwriters didn't help her any. After she is sexually assaulted by Shellen, her character is essentially a non-entity until the last minute of the film).NUDITY: $$ (Lisa Aliff has a few brief nude scenes but they are of the blink-and-you-missed-it variety. She changes in her tent and bathes in the river, with a shirt on, but there is still plenty of titillation for the skin-crowd. Miss Aliff, a former Miss America contestant, is an extraordinary beauty with the loveliest set of come-hither eyes ever put on a woman).

Martin Onassis It's your typical vacation-goes-really-bad movie with the guide going wacko, and the resulting helplessness of the couch potatoes in the hands of a brutal alpha type.Lisa Aliff is gorgeous, and all the actors are good, especially the psycho. What's bad is the writing, and the implausability of much of the action. Three's one scene where the psycho chases down one of the gang who has run off at dawn trying to climb out of the river valley. Meanwhile, the other three hostages escape in the raft and try to take it down river. They get turned over in a rapids (this scene is beautifully intercut with the psycho chasing the one hostage down). Then incredibly, the raft ends up in the same area that the psycho has chased the other hostage down. HUH? When I first saw it, I thought they were introducing new characters into the movie, until I saw that it was the same people. Crawling up a river valley does not put you in the same place as a raft that has gone at least a few miles downstream. It's this kind of inattention to script or continuity that destroys what could've been a decent movie. The action is also the cheesy, slo-mo type of this era, with opponents standing in ways asking to be shot and squibs exploding, and bodies contorting so much it just looks ridiculous.The cinematography is fantastic, unusually great of the rapids and the falls, benefitting from its location in Zimbabwe, a place you wouldn't go to now. Anyway, fault the producer and the writers.

Comeuppance Reviews "Ain't no way of winnin' when you're playin' with the devil's odds." A bunch of stupid, unlikable party dudes go to the Zambizi River in Africa for no reason. If they wanted to "par-tee down" there are a lot of better places to do so.Their tour guide down the Damned River is Ray (Shellen-A Treat Williams doppelganger) an American running away from his past by living and toting tourists around on his raft. His accent comes and goes, as he is southern in every other scene in the movie.This particular group of tourists includes a poetry-spouting nerd, a hippie who ends every sentence with the word "man" in true Tommy Chong style. And the most unlikable character of all (and that's saying something…): Jerry (Bancroft) a big fat party animal who isn't fat and who whines about the lack of MTV in rural Africa. Jerry also demands his "Chow-ski" when he is hungry (because he is "fat") and the audience is rooting for his demise from the get-go.Normally these characters would be seen in a 80's romp. Think "Up The Creek" meets "Deliverance". "Damned River" is in the tradition of other survival-river movies such as the aforementioned "Deliverance", "Rituals" (1977),"The River Wild", and "Survival Quest" (1989). "Damned River" is the bottom of the barrel of this bunch. If you have seen every other river flick, and are hankering for more river madness, check this out, otherwise, steer clear.Ray tangles with a great white hunter type named Von Hoenigen (Louis Van Niekirk) and it ends with fan favorite death, decapitation. It livens up the proceedings. Also on hand is Mavuso, a kindly local. Ray get crazier and crazier as the movie progresses, eventually reaching "Daget" –from-"Twice Under" like proportions. Shellen overacts in much the same vein.Bradford Bancroft is actually effective as the annoying Jerry because he achieved his aim of getting the audience to hate him. Bancroft can also be seen in "A Time To Die" and "Dangerously Close" The movie is very dumb as it is but it pretentiously tries to not be, "casually" throwing in high-minded references to such authors as Zola and Byron. Sadly, this wasn't enough to set it apart from the pack. Watch this "Damned" classic tonight! Comeuppance Review by: Ty & Brett For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com