Lovesusti The Worst Film Ever

Konterr Brilliant and touching

Sexyloutak Absolutely the worst movie.

Ariella Broughton It is neither dumb nor smart enough to be fun, and spends way too much time with its boring human characters.

NateWatchesCoolMovies 44 Inch Chest is packed full of bloated, preening masculinity, cold hard chauvinism and dense, wordy exchanges that seem pulled right off the stage, an intense bit of British pseudo-gangster quirk with two writers who seem intent on heightening every syllable to near surreal levels of style. The same scribes are responsible for the glorious verbal stew that can be found in Paul McGuigan's brutal Gangster No. 1 as well as Sexy Beast, and while the level of viciousness here is left almost entirely to the spoken word alone, the elliptical sting of their script still hits home, and even ramps up a bit from those films. A mopey, consistently weepy Ray Winstone stars as boorish Colin Diamond, an gent whose wife (Joanne Whalley Kilmer) has been caught in an affair with a chiseled french pretty boy (Melvil Poupoud). He resorts to a melancholy, comatose state as his perceived manliness visibly circles the drain. His circle of friends arrives, each with their own flamboyant ideas for resolving the situation. Velvety Meredith (Ian McShane, cool as a cucumber) looks on in snooty amusement. Violent guttersnipe Mal (Stephen Dillane, replacing Tim Roth) has the brawn but neither the brains nor ambition to act. Archie (Tom Wilkinson) is the bewildered everyman. Old Man Peanut (a fire and brimstone John Hurt who devours the script like a lion feasting on a gazelle) is a bible thumping, crusty old pot of fury who suggests that wifey should be stoned to death for her indecency and betrayal. They spend the better part of the film pontificating like a babbling senate, whilst Winstone languishes in despair. One wonders what the point of it all is and where it's going, until we arrive at an oddly satisfying third act that somehow negates almost everything we've seen before it. Strangely enough, though, it works, if only to give us something we've never quite seen before, pulling the rug of genre convention out from under us and giving us a piece that almost could resemble a spoof of other works, if it weren't so damned straight faced and persistent in its execution. In any case, I could watch this group of actors assemble ikea furniture and it would still be transfixing. It's just a room full of talent shooting the breeze for most of the running time, and in a genre where one can scarcely here the performers talk over the gunfire and cheekily referential soundtrack a lot of the time, I'll damn well take something a bit more paced, quiet and stately. Winstone smears over his usual seething anger with a morose depression would almost be endearing if it weren't so pathetic. Wilkinson brings his usual studious nature. McShane is pure class in anything (even a few B movies I'm sure he'd love to forget) and he swaggers through this one like a regal peacock, getting some of the best lines to chew on. Dillane is detached and indifferently cruel, with seldom a word uttered, his lack of mannerism contrasted by the vibrant animosity of his three peers. Hurt is pure gold as the closest the film comes to caricature, just a vile old coot who belongs in the loony bin raving to the walls about awful things that happened 'back in his day'. Different is the key word for this one, and one might be easily fooled by the poster and synopses into assuming this is a revenge flick populated by action and violence. Not so much. Although a lot of the time that is my cup of tea, it's nice to get a welcome deviation once in a while, and this one is a real treat.

eddie052010 What is the worst film ever made? That's a though question, seeing as how film is a very popular art form, as is highlighted by the amount of films there in, both in the past and present. Many of them are masterpieces, while many others are total garbage that no-one should ever see. With so many bad films out there, it can be quite hard to fully determine an answer to that question. However, while many films are rubbish and entertaining, others are just flat out rubbish and boring. This leads many to another complex question: what is the dullest film ever made? Sure, while there are many bad films out there, most of them aren't dull, and even some good movies can be accused of being dull, so it is also a hard question to answer. However, I think that this film is the answer to that question. 44 Inch Chest, a barely-seen low budget British gangster film form 2010, is (in my opinion at least) while not the worst film ever made, it is surely the absolute dullest.Firstly, let's discuss the plot. Colin, a Cockney gangster gets heartbroken after his wife leaves him in favour of another man. In retaliation, his gangster friends kidnap the guy and take him to Colin, as he decides what to do with him, whether that would be forgiving him or killing him. That's the entire plot of the movie. While I don't mind a film having a simple plot, the plot here is very simple to the point of non-existence and the film's achingly slow pace don't help matters, especially with the filler they put in to pad out the length, which is mainly highlighted when Colin's friends discuss another film (Samson and Delilah by Cecil B Demille) in parallel to the situation taking place as well as bringing back the wife character during the film who does barely anything to advance the plot.I said earlier that the film was the dullest film ever. The main reason for that is it's slow pace, and that for the whole running time, nothing seems to happen in the film. There is barely any character development, many of the events in the story seem inconsequential and the film stops rather than ends, meaning that we never know what happened to the main character and whether his actions throughout the film have made him a better person or if he is as still as psychotic as he was before.It doesn't help matters that Colin is very unlikeable. Now, I understand that his character was cheated on, which is something I can sympathize with. What I don't sympathize with however is that Colin is a raving lunatic who brutally attacks his wife for infidelity (even going as far as to chuck her out of the window of their house) and due to his weird outbursts throughout the film, clearly seems to have some sort of psychotic disorder and is very unpredictable, which implies that he has acted similarly to his wife previously, which gives her more than enough justification for cheating on him. None of the other characters are much better. I know this film has an ensemble cast of Britain's best actors, and I should be mad that the film would waste a cast like this, but to be honest there are so many other problems with this heap of manure that the waste of these actors is the least of it's problems. It doesn't help that many of them are given nothing to do, as Tom Wilkinson, Ian Mcshane and Joanne Whalley give good performances despite having nothing to work with. The worst offender surprisingly is John Hurt, as his character is really annoying and the fact that he swears a lot doesn't help.That's another thing that's wrong with this trash, the excessive cussing. I'm not a prude, but the amount of f and c bombs is embarrassing, as they do it very often and it goes really extreme at some points, and it has the mentality of a young kid swearing in order to impress the big boys. I'm sorry, saying the c word for the 20th time won't stop your audience from passing out into a coma. Seriously, this script feels like it was written by 12 year olds who loved Reservoir Dogs and wanted to make a Kubrick version of it.Yes that is what this movie is setting out to do: make Reservoir Dogs if made by Kubrick. Despite how awful that already sounds, the result is far worse, as unlike Reservoir Dogs, there is no tension, laughs or fun due to the achingly slow pace and how the "revenge" part of the plot doesn't begin until an hour in. There is also no revenge in the film, as Colin doesn't do anything to the man who slept with his wife, despite the fact that she was beaten up pretty badly for infidelity. Sure it succeeds in very Kubrickian and there is great cinematography but that also means a slow pace which kills any sort of excitement that you might have. There are honestly many pointless parts here, and you can skip them without missing any plot, especially the Samson and Delilah footage, which does make me think that I could be watching that instead of this garbage. Overall, this is just dull rubbish. The pace is achingly slow, the characters are uninteresting, and there is no resolution to the weak plot that is padded out to get to 90 minutes. The fact that such a great cast is wasted is the least of it's crimes. Stay far far away from this. This is by far the dullest film ever made, and not in a good way.

ajs-10 This is one of those films I have wanted to see for some time now. From the writers of 'Sexy Beast' (a film I very much enjoyed) I was really looking forward to more of the same. I can see where they were going with it, but it didn't quite have the same impact as their previous effort. I think the idea was solid enough, but what they did with it really didn't quite work out (for me). I will tell you more after this brief summary.When Colin Diamond's wife, Liz, tells him she's leaving him for another, he is devastated. He gets her to give him the name of the other man and he, and some friends, take him to a room for a talk. It is here where the majority of the action takes place. Even before the man is brought out of the cupboard they have him stashed in we have some quite explicit dialogue and flashbacks of what had transpired in the previous 24 hours. Colin's 'colleagues', Meredith, Old Man Peanut, Archie and Mal have already softened 'Loverboy' up for him, but now it's up to him to decide what's to be done. Asking the others to leave the room, he talks through the various options open to him. I will leave it there or the Spoiler Police will be looking into the disappearance of that waiter a few months back.A very well made film with some very colourful characters and some great dialogue, but it does have the look and feel of a stage play. I guess this is because the majority of the action takes place in one room. One thing I cannot fault is the performances; everyone was superb! And so special mentions go to; Ray Winstone as Colin Diamond, Ian McShane as Meredith, John Hurt as Old Man Peanut, Tom Wilkinson as Archie and Stephen Dillane as Mal.There is an awful lot of dialogue in this film and much of it contains extreme swearing, but much of it I found was quite philosophical. I think the trouble is, there's far too much of it and, at times, it doesn't help the story move along very smoothly. I found the 'hallucination' scenes very confusing and they got more bizarre the longer they went on! It ended up being quite a strange film in the end that left me kind of flat. I can't really recommend it for that reason, but if anyone out there feels like giving it a look I'd be interested to hear what you made of it.My score: 5.7/10 IMDb Score: 5.8/10 (based on 3,175 votes at the time of going to press).Rotten Tomatoes 'Tomatometer' Score: 40/100 (based on 77 reviews counted at the time of going to press).Rotten Tomatoes 'Audience' Score: 36/100 (based on 13,005 user ratings counted at the time of going to press).

dunmore_ego "'Cause I'm a man, I got my pride, Don't need no woman to hurt me inside. I need love, like any other - So go on and leave me! Leave me for another!" --Good Lovin' Gone Bad, Bad Company.I think 44 INCH CHEST is trying to set some kind of record for saying the c-word. That's why I love it so. It's British. It's brutish. It's c-word-ish.Busting at the gray-skied seams with testosterone, 44 INCH CHEST is as blackly humorous and yet as feverishly dramatic as only a cockney London thrasher could be. It's about honor, loyalty, fidelity and flesh-tearing revenge. It's about the measure of Manhood. How far would you go to prove your measure?The formidable Ray Winstone stars as Colin Diamond, a principled, loving husband and father, who has just lost his wife, Liz (Joanne Whalley) to another man. Movie opens with Colin lying seemingly dead on the floor of his self-wrecked house, while Nilsson's "Without You" flutters on the soundtrack. Shattered, almost unable to speak coherently, let alone make life-changing decisions, Colin gathers four friends in a ramshackle rendezvous den to work through his pain - and to decide how to kill the man who stole his wife; the man who is even now locked in a cupboard before them, an armoire, a "44 inch chest," if you will. John Hurt, as cockney vicious as a starving pitbull, is cantankerous Old Man Peanut, who just wants blood - and to keep his arse away from suave-gay Meredith, played by Ian McShane with pimp swagger and cynical detachment; Tom Wilkinson is amiable, pragmatic Archie, who still lives with his mum; and Stephen Dillane is Mal, the impetuous muscle, "Let's kill 'im now - just give me the word, Colin!" The amazing thing about this movie that reads like a stage play is that none of the characters have backstories! They just appear in this room, driving their brutal dialog down Tasty Street, and we surmise they are gangsters, but they could very well be just a bunch of schoolmates. The way they stand up for their wronged compatriot could be applied to any profession; it is simply what Real Men would do under the circumstances. They never question why they are there and none of them is impatient to leave for other pressing appointments; we know innately they would follow Colin into hell. We see the capture of "Loverboy" (Melvil Poupaud) from his waitering day job - Mal headlocking him into a van while distressed patrons look on. They eventually drag him out of the cupboard, bloodied and beaten, and plant him on a chair where they berate him and threaten him, awaiting Colin's ultimate decision. As the story delves via flashback into Colin's harried night, his wife's confession and his decidedly unmanly reaction - he bashed the name of her French lover out of her - the bloodlust of the friends is stoked, and we seem to be tilting toward hell after all. Revenge will be sweet. As the night wears on and Colin enters into fantasy scenes in his head (which include his wife appearing and tending to Loverboy, while his friends size her up in front of him, swapping roles, accusing, bantering, badgering), we realize that each of the friends is a different facet of Colin's personality (the bellicose, impatient Old Prick, the boastful, cocky Muscle, the stalwart Good Friend and the personality that is completely insular, removed from the world of women - the Gaylord) and that they "complete" him - but not in a good way, as their constant profane, baleful repartee serves to confuse him all the more. We realize also that Colin seeing his wife touching Loverboy's wounds so intimately (as Peanut says, "They might as well be doing it right in front of him!") is his mind trying to purge itself of that image, of the pain of knowing this went on behind his back... forgiveness may just be sweeter. Eventually, after gripping monologues, morbidly humorous asides, and swearing the likes your drill sergeant wouldn't believe, with the aid of his friends and his fantasies (some might call it "therapy") barrel-chested Colin goes further than he has ever gone before, to make a decision that proves the true measure of his manhood...