Beanbioca As Good As It Gets

FuzzyTagz If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

Kirandeep Yoder The joyful confection is coated in a sparkly gloss, bright enough to gleam from the darkest, most cynical corners.

Zlatica One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

Michael Ledo This movie has major league camp value and is extremely bad in all aspects. Drug smugglers use "vampires" to help them combat law enforcement. These are not western ideas of vampires, but that of the orient. Vampire is a generic phrase used to indicate one that has come back from the dead. It is more akin to a zombie in a guerrilla mask. In this film the vampires move with their arms extended while hopping. The plot continuity of their abilities doesn't make any sense.One of the vampires has a witch ghost as its lover. She is upset that he was made into a vampire, so now they can't be together in the afterlife, but she gets over it.The Robo Vampire is really a robocop. He is created to fight the vampires. The dubbing was bad, even though the credits claimed they had a dialogue coach. The voices didn't match the faces either. Rice powder will wake up vampires.The film has a high 5 star MST value.Parental Guide: F-bomb, nudity.

brando647 Convincing a friend to watch ROBO VAMPIRE is an exercise in trust. It's near impossible to explain in any great detail what's so fun about it. It's something that has to be experienced first-hand. I had zero knowledge of what to expect when I first sat down to watch this beauty. It was one of 50 public domain Z-grade movies in a cheap collection I grabbed for $10. Then an Internet search brought me to the cover art of Robocop clutching what I assumed to be the titular vampire in the foreground while the world exploded behind them. I was sold, if cautious. What I proceeded to watch was beyond words. I was often so wracked with laughter that I was forced to pause the movie so I wouldn't miss a minute of it. It's hard to put the plot of ROBO VAMPIRE into words with any sort of confidence but I'll try my best to give you an idea. It's about heroin smuggling in Asia. There's a drug kingpin who's grown tired of a particular "anti-drug agent" (I'll assume he means DEA) named Tom, and he's hired a Taoist to train vampires to handle it. Tom dies in a bust gone wrong and, before his corpse has time to cool, he's turned into a robot cop. A sort of…Robo-Tom. Meanwhile, in another potentially unrelated storyline, another "anti-drug agent" named Sophie is taken hostage by what may or may not be the same drug operation and a special team is sent to bring her home.When the movie was finally over and I had endured the hurricane of pure insanity that was ROBO VAMPIRE, I found some info that gave some context to what I had just watched. There's a very distinct feeling that you're watching two entirely separate movies play out through ROBO VAMPIRE and that's because you essentially are. It was a product of Filmark International Ltd and producer Tomas Tang, who would shot a bunch of random martial arts footage and insert it into half-finished movies to create a cinematic Frankenstein. Once you're aware of that, it's impossible not to notice. It didn't click with me the first time I watched it but now I can't help but notice the whole Robo-Tom plot thread never once crosses over with the Sophie rescue thread. Not a single character crosses the border between stories. ROBO VAMPIRE is about 65% rescue and 35% robot versus vampires. This is all wrong. It needs to be 75% robot/vampires. Maybe more. The rescue operation has its moments. There's a great stunt dive when Sophie does a running jump through a window and we see a stocky, hair man in a bad wig and nightgown nail the landing. There's plenty of bloodless gunfights and martial arts battles with stuntmen throwing themselves around. The dubbing is generic action movie dialogue and characters are interchangeable because no one is anything more than one-dimensional. It serves its purpose but the real gold is to be found in the rare occasions when we rejoin Robo-Tom and the vampires.Where to start?! Well not that anyone will be surprised but Robo-Tom looks nothing like Robocop. He's a no-budget rip-off, covered in silver-painted safety padding with goggles and a helmet. The vampires wear some sort of traditional Chinese dress and are at least given a little makeup to give the impression of decay on their faces. And they hop! These vampires can only movie via hopping, jumping, leaping, or straight up teleporting. Their attacks include corrosive smoke and bottle rockets fired from their sleeves. In addition to the hordes of regular vampires, there's one super vampire of which the Taoist is super proud. You can tell he's more powerful than the rest because the character has a gorilla's face (i.e. a gorilla Halloween mask). The super vampire is also in love with a ghost woman who is mad because she was hoping to live eternally in the afterlife with her beloved only to watch him become a vampire slave. The Taoist agrees to marry the two together as long as they are under his command. Meanwhile, Robo-Tom proves to be effective against vampires but still can't handle a direct bazooka blast. That's totally fine though because, even when he's melted to a puddle of liquid aluminum foil, all he needs is a little soldering a maybe a new battery before he's back on the beat. ROBO VAMPIRE is totally bonkers and, even when there's no robot or vampires on screen, never let's you get bored. The best news of all? There's two "sequels" out there from Tomas Tang that I haven't seen yet.Bucket list updated.

eykemans When you see this movie, there are several scenes to watch in slow motion. When the Blond Woman leaps out the window, when Robo is blown up by a bazooka, and when the Guy on the Roof tosses the other Guy on the Roof off of the roof. These are all very funny.

Mr. Sparkle Being a fan of "B" movies, I've seen my share of enjoyable bad movies. Movies such as "Manos" the Hands of Fate, or Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town, so I thought I was ready for anything. I was very wrong!!!!I don't have to be careful about spoiling the plot, because there wasn't one. Honestly!!! This movie gives you a behind the sceenes look at the movie business. How the studios are at war with each other. How they fight over the rights for movies. How they summon demons and vampires to kill the competition. YES, you read right there.One of the most off the wall movies I've seen. Just when you think you've got the plot, they completely change it on you, and make it a new movie. Jumping vampires with paper teeth, Freddy Kruger lookalike demons, Captian Power. I was waiting for Martha Stewart to pop out.Overall I'd say this movie ISN'T for the weak of heart, head or stomache. I'd rather watch a Swartzinegger movie.