Artivels Undescribable Perfection

Erica Derrick By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

Kaelan Mccaffrey Like the great film, it's made with a great deal of visible affection both in front of and behind the camera.

Phillipa Strong acting helps the film overcome an uncertain premise and create characters that hold our attention absolutely.

HaemovoreRex Sometimes rarely, a film is released unto the public that so shines in quality as to dazzle its audience and silence even the most ardent of critics. In short, these films are almost universally adored and as a result such films (and they are indeed a rare phenomena) win themselves the much coveted title of a 'classic'. In such instances a perfect equilibrium exists between such factors as production values, acting performances, photography, direction etc which all combine to create a cinematic and artistic masterpiece. Conversely, the status of all 'non classic' films therefore could be attributed to those movies in which the various aforementioned cinematic factors are at in imbalance to varying degrees – a factor which serves to destabilise the films overall integrity. Obviously although tastes vary widely, it would be equitable to say that the vast majority of films belong in the latter category.There is however a third category of film, a category equally as rare as the first in fact and this may be defined as those rather unfortunate films that actually have no cinematic merits whatsoever! These unfortunate entities fail utterly miserably in virtually every single department. Indeed the acting, production, directing etc in these films are so completely and entirely inept as to render them virtually unwatchable to the vast majority of the (sane) movie watching public.However and as illogical as it may sound, sometimes the very fact that a movie can be SO bad and SO inept actually, bizarrely serves to its advantage…..it is then that the curious phenomena of the 'so bad its good' movie is born!Ninja vs Ninja undoubtedly falls into this category!Here my friends we have a film that is so god awful in every single way that you can't but help to admire it!From the very opening with our ninja hero (who only appears in about three scenes in the entire movie!) who is shown training (and running in an extremely sissy manner!) to some super cool and groovy (and entirely inappropriate!) seventies music, to the completely non related and frankly baffling crime film plot (in reality a completely different film into which the ninja segments are edited) – this film really is an hilarious (unintentional) laugh fest!To be quite honest, even though I've only just finished watching it, I still have no idea what the hell was going on in this for the most part! The plot really meanders all over the place and makes virtually no sense whatsoever! (a factor which only adds to the charm!)From what I could gather, some evil ninja want a tape from a man charmingly referred to as Fatso. The CIA are also after this tape. And why are they all after the tape? Just what intrinsic information does it store? Well to be quite honest – I haven't got a bloody clue! Nor did I understand who the hero ninja was and what his interest in the tapes recovery was (if he indeed was interested in it at all!) In fact virtually nothing is explained in the film but frankly who cares…. if you're at all into Z-grade movies, then this really is essential viewing! A true demented classic!

fstraley Some movies need to be made. Some movies are so awful, they serve as shining beacons to the rest of us, guiding us through the sea of bad movie-making and letting us know exactly what NOT to do. This is not one of those movies. This movie can serve no purpose other than (possibly) a fire starter. This movies existence is so pointless, if I were this movie I would throw myself in front of a municipal bus. Everyone involved in this movie should be arrested (with the exception of the black ninja, who was bad-ass). In summary: This movie Sucked. It made no sense, it was shot on film which looked like it had been put through a meat grinder, and the plot seemed to be hiding somewhere behind a dead girlfriend, videotape, and heroine addiction. Sweet Jesus... terrible film... my god...

Dnomyar OS My best friend and i pride ourselves in watching the worst movies we can possible find. last night we were privy enough to come across ninja vs. ninja. we read the back of the case to see the plot summary and it said something about undercover ninja cops busting heroine addiction rings. we tried very very hard to put that plot together while watching the movie and we couldn't. it doesn't exist. the fight scenes are terribly choreographed and ninja will mysteriously grow arms and burrow underground at random points for no reason. the smoke effects look like there is some dude standing above them, pouring smoke on them. but the most memorable scene is what has been aptly named, "the beach party." for no damn reason, it goes to a scene where there are a lot of women playing cards, then one mysteriously dies, then ninjas appear and kill everyone else. all in all, i almost wet myself with laughter. if anyone wants to have a good laugh and lose some IQ at the same time, watch this movie.

John Seal Compiled from footage shot for at least two and possibly three motion pictures, Ninja Vs. Ninja is a logic free melange of martial arts and cops n robbers footage. The film starts with sped up footage of an African-American (?) ninja going through the motions as bland disco music plays in the background. He then turns into a white ninja who faces off with an evil black ninja (who's actually a white guy). Cut to some other white guys chatting about some nefarious plot. Then cut to your standard issue HK actors in a crime film about a missing tape. The white and black ninja drop in and out of the other film--their footage is badly matched, needless to say--until the film's abrupt and extremely disappointing conclusion. Ninja Vs. Ninja was released on video by Ocean Shores Video, who kindly supplied the synopsis for yet another completely unrelated film on the clamshell box. Only for hardcore connoisseurs of extremely inept cinema.